Miss Independent
by springofthedandelions
Summary: During the search for Horcruxes, Hermione reflects on her feelings for boys and Ron over the years. Wrote this a few years ago but have attempted to fix it up a little bit.


**Miss Independent**

Oh, God. He's doing it again. Running his hand through his hair. Oh, I hate it when he does that. It makes his hair all ruffled and I love it when it's ruffled. Damnit Ron, why'd you have to go and do that? Now I have to try and forget you _again_.

Oh, look. A butterfly. A lovely red butterfly. _Red_. Ron's ruffled hair is red. Great. Once again, I am finding it increasingly difficult to keep my mind of the Weasley in front of me.

See, I never meant to start liking Ron. He's such a prat, the biggest one I have ever known. He can be so stupid! I mean, he's alright with his school work but that doesn't matter. It's the things he says that are stupid. He can be so insensitive. And why does he make it his duty to annoy me? Why does he do that? That's even more frustrating. I'm sure he does it on purpose – he knows how to press my buttons and it seems like a sport for him to make me angry.

I remember a time when Ron was just a stupid boy. That was when I met him and Harry on the train. He was a prat, even back then and I couldn't stand him. No manners, thinking everything revolved around him. And he was so incredibly rude towards me. Well, of course he's changed since then. But I used to be so good at not liking him it was almost a talent. I used to be the girl that was so independent. I was clever and excellent at everything I did. Except liking boys.

Before I came to Hogwarts, boys were just the silly species that roamed this planet and I had no interest or use for them. At my primary school, one boy used to chase me every day, laughing hysterically while I would try my best to outrun him. I suppose he thought it was funny but I sure didn't. He terrified me. I had no idea what he would do if he did catch me, so I spent every lunch hour running from him. My parents thought I was such a good girl, going to bed early and sleeping through the night but really I was just exhausted each day.

Maybe it was him that made me start hating every boy with such loathing that I made a hobby out of it. I refused to sit with my friends if they were talking about boys, I wouldn't read stories that were written by boys. When I was 9, my teacher was a man. I got my mother to move me into a class with a woman as my teacher. I spent all my time reading in the library as it was rare to see boys in there. When I got my letter from Hogwarts, it did not say if the school was a co-ed school or not but I went anyway. I wanted to show the students there that I could be the best at everything without the aid of any _boy_. When I knew the headmaster was Albus Dumbledore (obviously a man), I read up on him and found out that he was not like the boys I had known from my childhood. So, I gave it a chance. I told myself that if I was hassled by any boys, I would keep my head high and ignore them.

Well, of course I didn't do that. That stupid Ronald got in the way and ruined it all. Talking about me and insulting me. That hurt a lot, because Harry was with him and I thought Harry was a half decent person but he can't have been if he was laughing along with Ron. I hid away, wishing I was like superwoman and could withstand anything that came my way. And then came the troll.

Ron and Harry saved me. They risked their lives and saved mine. Instantly I became their friends – how could I not? They risked their own lives and lied for me. It was great having friends again. It had been a long time since my first day at school, when I discovered the library and named it my second home. Ron and Harry, though very abusive of the school rules, were good friends and that carried on into our second year.

I think that by keeping my heart protected all those years and keeping my feelings inside, it didn't make me a stronger person, only weaker. And when I had heard Ron talking about me so nastily, I broke down. But then...when he saved me (and Harry of course) I guess I forgot about everything I had worked for. I started to like Ron. I thought nothing of it of course, being only 12 and not having any positive experience with boys I figured it was some silly school girl crush. I forgot about my growing feelings for Ron and continued on with my school work and of course, figuring out who was behind the Chamber of Secrets 'mystery'. That took up a lot of time, and I forgot about Ron.

My third year was no better. It seemed there was no such thing as a normal year for us three. I felt like we were constantly 'detectives' and had to fight for ourselves. What I wouldn't give for a quiet year at Hogwarts. We were all slightly more mature and I was more aware of my feelings to Ron but I couldn't let that get in the way. So, once again I pushed my feelings away and focused on helping Harry. It was wonderful to see him happy though, when he saved Sirius. Even though we risked our lives (and our places at Hogwarts) to do so. Perhaps I was too happy for Harry to realise my 'liking' of Ron had grown into more than a school girl crush.

It's a strange thing, love. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. One moment, you're hating someone so much and then the next, you can't keep your eyes of them. Though he did not know it, I was slowly falling in love and I couldn't handle it. I had never felt anything like this before. It was such a surprise to like Ron that way. I was scared of love because I was scared of getting hurt like I had at primary school. I guess I figured that if I kept my heart 'protected', I'd never feel pain. All I know is that I don't want to be hurt by Ron or any other boy for that matter.

Now I would like to get one thing cleared up. When Viktor Krum arrived, I thought he was some stuck-up Quidditch player that only thought of himself. Then, when I was at the ball with him, I saw a different side. He was very kind and seemed to like me. I loved the attention from him but after what happened to Harry in the maze, Viktor was pushed from my mind, just as Ron was. I wrote a few times to Viktor, but he was different to me. He was not...for me. He is nothing more than a friend. But when Ron got so jealous of Viktor being with me, I almost thought Ron might actually like me. But that thought was soon erased after our fight – if he had liked me, he would have said so.

My fifth year was the year I fell in full-blown love. My fifth year was the year that Ron was the biggest prat of all but still, my feelings grew. Of course, I could not act on them. Voldemort was back, we had no DADA teacher (at least not a decent one) and Harry was being treated like scum by everyone except his friends. There was so much happening it was hard to concentrate on anything else except the current war between the ministry and Dumbledore. Going to the ministry at the end of my fifth year was terribly frightening. I thought I would die...I thought Ron would. I was so happy when we all got out alive. Except for Sirius. Ron and I didn't know how to handle Harry. He didn't spend as much time with Ron or I, leaving Ron and I alone together. He had matured a lot and I loved how he was so loyal to Harry, talking about what he needed. I agreed with him and just stared as he talked. He thought I was sick.

Sixth year was awful. When Ron started dating Lavender I couldn't quite believe it. I loved him more than anything but hated him more than anything. He made me sick, the way he didn't seem to care about my feelings at all. But then he had no idea of how I felt, so why would he worry about dating someone else? Ginny told me I should tell him but I couldn't. I had nobody. Harry had found Ginny, which was wonderful, but who did I have? I reverted back to the old Hermione. I hid away in the library, coming out only when needed and put on an act, to show that I wasn't as jealous as I seemed to be. Things were starting to get intense, not with Ron but with Voldemort. Harry was having meetings with Dumbledore and then there were Death Eaters at Hogwarts; it all seemed to happen at once. And Harry was proved right, Draco was a Death Eater.

The death of Dumbledore was a shock to all. I think even though it was impossible, many people saw him as undefeatable. Everyone knew Voldemort was afraid of him and therefore came to the conclusion that he would save the day. But when he died...people were proved wrong. I think even I thought he was indestructible. Obviously not.

Things are really serious now. Despite Harry's feeble protests, both Ron and I are going to search for Horcruxes with him. We are alone in this fight, alone in this world. It's hard to keep going on some days and I think the boys feel the same. Ron has been an incredible support however, which is a change to how I've known him growing up. He seems more mature these days and it seems strange to me.

"Hermione! Concentrate!" Sounds like I have rubbed off on him. You'd think I'd be telling him to concentrate. Right now, were looking at a map. I wouldn't know why as I haven't been concentrating and Harry is currently off trying to find us something to eat.

I looked at Ron. I think now, after all these years, was time I told him.

"Ron?" I asked stupidly. He looked up at me, his beautiful blue eyes searching me.

"Yeah?" He replied and I took a breath.

"Er – I just thought that I should tell you – that I have been in love with you since I was 13. I just haven't been able to tell you because I've been so caught up with everything else," I couldn't believe what I was saying. I felt amazed that I had said all that without running away. The little girl who ran away from boys was no longer and in her place seemed to be this independent person that I almost didn't recognize as myself. Ron looked slightly shocked and his mouth was open. He stared at me for a second before he grinned. He leant over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

That's all? A kiss on the _cheek_? Oh, God. He didn't like me. Where was the nearest library? Harry would have to understand that I couldn't help him anymore – not with Ron. My insides seemed to be squirming and my thoughts were running around and around, nothing logical seemed to come to mind and I sat there, staring at the paper I suddenly discovered was in my hand.

"You know what Hermione?" He said and I closed my eyes, preparing for the worst. "I've been in love with _you_ for longer. Looks like I win eh?"

The cheeky prat. I opened my eyes and stared at his face which was grinning. My heart was beating a million times a second and I could feel my face blushing. The red butterflies were flying around in my stomach, but I knew what I had to do. I leant in and kissed him. On the lips.

It was the best thing I have ever experienced and I didn't really want it to end.

"Er – guys?" It seemed Harry was back. Ron and I broke apart and looked at Harry sheepishly who smiled at us. "I'll start cooking, eh?" He left us in peace. I looked at Ron. Ron looked at me.

Even with the ongoing turmoil of Voldemort, love was to be found. I'm just so glad I finally see that it's a good thing. I guess you can be independent, smart and excellent at school work as well as like boys. But only a select few. Such as the Weasley in front of me. And from now on, if a boy (such as Ron) chases me, I don't run away. I kiss him as much as I like.

* * *

><p><strong>I wrote this fic a very long time ago which is probably very obvious. I've taken it off and attempted to fix it up, so hopefully I've done an okay job. Please let me know if you liked it ;)<strong>


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